Joy comes in the morning...

It's been a much better week.  Emily has slept much better, and wakes up in her singsong voice saying "Good Morning, Mama" or "Good Morning, Daddy!"  She still often wakes up hungry in the middle of the night though.  She eats such a small amount throughout the day that it's not surprising that she would get hungry, but just like our bio sons, I'm never sure if it's true hunger, or just a longing to be with mama!!  Either way, it doesn't matter.  At this point, she just needs to know that she is LOVED, and at this stage, the traditional method of letting your child cry themselves back to sleep can not be used!  Emily loves the book, "The Hungry Caterpillar," and it is usually one of the books she asks for every night before bed. A few nights ago she woke up and was crying and once again I couldn't figure out what was wrong.  "Does your belly hurt?"  She shakes her head no.  "Do your ears hurt?"  No.  " Do you need to go to the potty?" No.  "Do you want mama to hold you?"  No.  And on and on.  I'm not really sure SHE knew what was wrong either at this point.  She just knew she was not going back to sleep.  During the day, Emily loves to pretend that she is an animal and will call herself a panda, or a kitty, etc.  So even though I had asked her several times before if she was hungry and wanted something to eat, I finally asked her, "Emily, are you a hungry caterpillar??!"  Her eyes got big, the tears stopped and she shook her head, "YES!!!"  So after eating yogurt and a quick rock/cuddle, she looked up and smiled and said,"Emily's a butterfly!!"  (For those who don't know the story, the caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly at the end of the book....her favorite part!)  She was asleep in minutes!  Ahh...melt this mama's heart.  Our Emily IS a beautiful butterfly, and the transitions and changes she's had to endure are beyond what I can imagine sometimes. 

Emily had her ear tube surgery last Friday.  It went very well.  Her surgery wasn't scheduled until 3 pm, so I was dreading the hours after midnight the night before when she wasn't allowed to eat anything.  She could have clear liquids up until noon, and then nothing after that.  We always give her something to suck on in the car to help prevent car sickness, so I knew the 1 hr and 45 minute trip there may not be pleasant.  She ended up doing just fine, and seemed to accept the fact that she had to wait until later to eat and drink without any fuss at all.  And, no car sickness!  Praise God!  She was mad when she came out of surgery as expected, but that was quickly remedied with her beloved M & M's!  By the last half hour of the trip home, she was actually singing!!  What a trooper!  The doctor said that her left ear had a lot of fluid and the right ear was mild.  Her eardrums weren't moving well at all previously which was why they suspected fluid.  Although her hearing loss was minimal when tested, ear infections are very common in kids with cleft palates. Even though Emily never had an ear infection that we know of (hmmm.....maybe a reason she wasn't sleeping well before....who knows??), they felt that she definitely needed the tubes.  The doctor told us after surgery that he was surprised she hadn't been in more discomfort.  And thinking back, our plane rides should have been a lot more difficult for her.  One more way to show how everyone's prayers and God's grace completely covered us on our trip to and back from China! 

This Sunday, we are traveling to see family and I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone!  My mom, dad and grandpa have been in Florida since Christmas, so I can't wait for them to see Emily!  We are praying everyone stays well.  We've all been fighting colds and coughs...except Emily so far!  She seems to have the strongest immune system of all of us! 

Emily is very excited about her upcoming birthday!  She will be 4 on Easter Sunday, March 31st!  How neat is that???!! Her birthday falls EXACTLY between Seth and Kyle's!  Seth turned 11 (wow!!!) on March 1st.....

We love you, Seth!!!

...and Kyle will be 15 (gulp!) on April 30th.   She told me she wants pink on her "Happy Birthday cake" and wants a book!  We often hear her singing Happy Birthday to herself!  I can't wait!  She will no longer have any birthdays or holidays without us!!  :) 

Here's some random photos!

Her big brothers taught her "thumbs up!" 

The many silly faces of Emily....

She loves to get dressed up!!

Just hangin' out with my brother

Playing with cousins

Enjoying her time with her cousin Eva

Mmm...noodles are the best!

Yay!  Someone who likes to do dishes!  :)

Trying S'mores for the first time at a campfire with friends!  We can't wait to go camping!

Grief....

It's been a difficult week.....the inevitable happened.  The grief came pouring out.  Our beautiful brown eyed girl couldn't sleep....and wouldn't sleep.  She would finally fall asleep only to awaken and start the grieving all over again.  At first we thought it was her belly hurting, then we thought maybe it was an ear infection, but she would shake her head no....that wasn't the problem.  When she would finally decide to talk, she told us she was sad.  And we did the only thing we could do at 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 in the morning.....try to comfort her and reassure her that she was incredibly loved.  Not just by us, but by her China foster mama too.   And someday when she is a little older, we will tell her about her birth mama who we believe loved her dearly too....who kept her for 3 months before making the difficult decision that she could no longer care for her anymore.  Maybe because of her cleft lip and palate and their inability to afford medical help??  We will never know.  But we do know that she loved her enough to place her in a spot where Emily would be found and cared for....and for that we will be eternally grateful. 

The last few nights have been much better and we are all getting some rest, but we also know that this is all completely normal, and may happen at any time.  All of these transitions are a lot for an adult to process, let alone a child.  We continue to take one day and a time and just look back in wonder and awe at all she has accomplished in the last 3 months with us.  And once again, we thank God for leading us to her!!


Dear Emily,
We love you sweet girl to heaven and back.  When you cry, we cry for you too....for all that you have lost, for all of the surgeries you had to endure, for all of the transitions you have had to make.  You are a brave little girl and I thank God every day for giving me YOU.  I thank Him for stirring our hearts to take this leap of faith.  We love you so much and can't imagine our lives without you!  Daddy and I are so thankful you are our child.  We can't wait to see what God has in store for your life.  You are beautiful inside and out, Emily!  We love you!
Love,
Mommy

My sister-in-law sent me this beautiful poem:

LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

(Author Unknown)

Once there were two women

Who never knew each other.

One you do not remember,

The other you call mother.

Two different lives

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life

And the second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.

One gave you a seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you up --

It was all that she could do.

The other prayed for a child

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age-old question

Through the years:

Heredity or environment

Which are you the product of?

Neither, my darling -- neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

3 months today.....

It was 3 months ago today that we saw this sweet little girl joyfully walking towards us.....

Emily is such a part of our family now that it feels more like forever....

We are so blessed by this sweet, spunky, sometimes stubborn, and very compassionate little girl. She truly brings smiles to our faces daily. 

It's been a busy few months.  We have had Emily to Pittsburgh Children's several times for evaluations on her cleft lip and palate repair, hearing checks, and dental visits.  She has been a trooper!  We've learned that although her palate looks great and there are no fistulas, when they repair the palate in China they don't attach the muscles in the soft palate, so Emily can not move her soft palate like she should.  Therefore, she pushes a lot of sounds through her nose instead.  She is great at mimicking though, and tries very hard to make the sounds correctly, so we have started speech in the hope that she could potentially learn to build up enough oral pressure that she can make sounds appropriately.  . 

We have therefore enrolled Emily in the Early Intervention program with our school district where she receives speech twice a week.  She loves Miss Gail and Miss Kelly and looks forward to going to "school" at Miss Nicole's.  Emily wasn't enrolled in preschool at China because of her speech :(.  It breaks my heart that they think this bright little girl wasn't worthy of school.  Her foster mother wrote in her journal to us that Emily always wished she could go to school.  She also receives speech twice a week with our wonderful neighbor and speech pathologist, Jeff.  She loves Mr. Jeff and his name is heard often in our home while she is playing!  Just yesterday morning, she jumped on her little tricycle bike, put her purse on her shoulder, and announced she was going bye bye to go see "Mr. Jeff!" 

Emily is scheduled to have ear tube surgery March 15.  Although her ears look great according to the doctors, she apparently has fluid behind them as her hearing tests show that her eardrum isn't moving like it should.  It will be interesting to see if that makes a difference in her speech once that is done!  If her speech doesn't improve in the next month with her speech therapy and tubes, then she will likely need a palate repair. 

Her language is incredible  She talks constantly and has a huge vocabulary.  She loves to learn and can already identify several letters, knows several colors, counts to 10, and has been saying her ABC's since we were in China!  All of these things should have been more difficult to learn and understand, and so she just amazes us!  She's learning to write her name and loves to practice tracing shapes and letters!  I expected us to have a lot more difficulty communicating, but she is VERY good at getting her point across.  Even with her unclear speech at times, she is able to use other words or gestures to tell us what she wants. 

Emily at her "school."  Thank you Miss Nicole for sending this sweet photo!

Check out the adorable matching aprons that my friend made for Emily and her doll!

This picture was a day or two after we were home....she was seeing the washer working for the first time.

Love this!

Our church family blessed us with a Welcome Home party for Emily...she loved all of her toys and clothes!

Emily has a great imagination!  "Eating" her yummy watermelon.

"This is Emily," she proudly told me!  The lines going straight up are her beloved piggy tails!!

So this is what it feels like to be big brother, Kyle!!

We have been so blessed by so many people....family, friends, our church family, and my work family.  Thank you to everyone for welcoming Emily home!!!  We are so appreciative of all of you!!  And most of all, we are so thankful that God blessed us with this amazing daughter!