It's been a difficult week.....the inevitable happened. The grief came pouring out. Our beautiful brown eyed girl couldn't sleep....and wouldn't sleep. She would finally fall asleep only to awaken and start the grieving all over again. At first we thought it was her belly hurting, then we thought maybe it was an ear infection, but she would shake her head no....that wasn't the problem. When she would finally decide to talk, she told us she was sad. And we did the only thing we could do at 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 in the morning.....try to comfort her and reassure her that she was incredibly loved. Not just by us, but by her China foster mama too. And someday when she is a little older, we will tell her about her birth mama who we believe loved her dearly too....who kept her for 3 months before making the difficult decision that she could no longer care for her anymore. Maybe because of her cleft lip and palate and their inability to afford medical help?? We will never know. But we do know that she loved her enough to place her in a spot where Emily would be found and cared for....and for that we will be eternally grateful.
The last few nights have been much better and we are all getting some rest, but we also know that this is all completely normal, and may happen at any time. All of these transitions are a lot for an adult to process, let alone a child. We continue to take one day and a time and just look back in wonder and awe at all she has accomplished in the last 3 months with us. And once again, we thank God for leading us to her!!
Dear Emily,
We love you sweet girl to heaven and back. When you cry, we cry for you too....for all that you have lost, for all of the surgeries you had to endure, for all of the transitions you have had to make. You are a brave little girl and I thank God every day for giving me YOU. I thank Him for stirring our hearts to take this leap of faith. We love you so much and can't imagine our lives without you! Daddy and I are so thankful you are our child. We can't wait to see what God has in store for your life. You are beautiful inside and out, Emily! We love you!
Love,
Mommy
My sister-in-law sent me this beautiful poem:
LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD
(Author Unknown)
Once there were two women
Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
The other you call mother.
Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you up --
It was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age-old question
Through the years:
Heredity or environment
Which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling -- neither,
Just two different kinds of love.
Just checking in and saw this. Poor baby! Obviously she was loved since she has such a sweet personality. :) About this same time, my oldest got a little depressed at the overwhelming task of learning a new language - new everything. She just wanted to wake up and have everything be "easy" again. It didn't last long, however, and she's full of joy (and Jesus) now. These kids have such courage - will be praying. :)
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