We are so excited, nervous, anxious, and feeling a little crazy at times with the list of things we need to do before we leave. But, we are THANKFUL for our daughter and can not wait to meet her.
A few things our paperwork says about Shay:
She is active and likes to be outdoors (that about sums up our family!)
She is slow in getting things done (um....yeah....that fits too)
She smiles a lot and "joys and sorrows can be told completely on her face"
She can be stubborn and impatient (that will likely be very common until we overcome more of the language barrier which will be VERY frustrating for her. Please give her and us lots of grace)
She likes to be neat and beautiful (yep, we have two of those princesses now! :)
Another adoptive mom is in-country right now adopting one of Shay's friends. She posted today that she is completely exhausted and has a week to go. The trip to China, although it sounds like an adventure IS very exhausting. We are asking a seven year old little girl to leave everything she knows, and be willing to join our crazy family. We look different, we smell different, we certainly talk different and will have a lot of difficulty communicating for awhile. Although she has had pictures of us for a month or two, we will likely NOT live up to what she is dreaming of or hoping for. In fact, she likely will have little concept of what being adopted really and truly means. I know a few of the children according to a video we saw from the orphanage, believe that once they get to America they will all be next door neighbors again. It breaks my heart thinking about it. We are hoping to stay in contact with the families of Shay's friends by Skype, but that won't be the same. Her orphanage was her family and we will be taking her from all of that. Although she will have a better life, she will be dearly LOVED, and she will have an education and a future (all of which are uncertain when you are an orphan), she is not 'lucky' as some may think. None of this is 'lucky' for her. That word almost minimizes her pain and grief she will experience. WE are the ones who are blessed!! We are blessed to be her forever family. I can't wait until the day she calls me 'mama' and John 'baba.'
Please pray with us for her heart. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult our next few months may be. I'm sure there will be numerous melt downs during our China trip (likely experienced by ALL of us!) Shay has never experienced the concept of a family. She may think of us as caregivers just like her "ayi's" or nannies, and we will be fun for awhile, but she may not understand what a family unit is all about. Therefore, some of our parenting techniques may seem unusual for a 7 year old once we are home. Helping her dress, carrying her, giving her LOTS of extra care and attention for example, may seem to others like we are "spoiling" her. It's to show her that we are the ones who will take care of her, that we are her ONLY caregivers. We may have to cocoon her for awhile and may not be able to go many places to help foster attachment with us. We know it will not be an easy transition, and could likely be the hardest thing we've ever done. But we know it will be worth it, and we know that God will not let us fail.
In fact, the "theme" of this adoption for me has been Isaiah 43:5 "Do not be afraid, for I am with you." Bear with me as I write these next few paragraphs. I want to preserve these memories for Shay and let her know how much she was dearly loved and chosen!! A few days after we had seen Shay's sweet photo for the first time and had made the decision to proceed with her adoption, I got into my car on the way to work and about had my own meltdown. I was so incredibly nervous and anxious and concerned we were about to completely mess up our family, our finances, etc., etc., by proceeding. I needed major clarity from God that we were making the right decision. As I pulled out of our driveway, the tears started to roll (yeah, good thing we live on a back road! ) After going a little distance, I stopped the car, and literally cried out to God, saying," I am SO AFRAID!! I don't know if we are doing the right thing! I can't do this on my own. I need YOU to tell me. I need to know that this is Your will, and not mine!" At that moment, a brand new song came on the radio station that I had never heard before. It was "Do Not Be Afraid," by Tanner Clark. Please listen to it first....
Click here:
"Do Not Be Afraid" video link
As I heard the song for the first time, my tears dried up and my sobs turned to laughter as God literally hammered it into my head to not be afraid (I mean, seriously....how many times does the song say those words? :) ...it started to get funny!) That same song played numerous times over the past 11 months when I needed it. God knows He can get my attention through music, and He gave me complete peace that day. We have never questioned our decision again!
The theme continued when I was sitting at my desk about 2 or 3 months into our adoption. Two years ago when we started our adoption of Emily, I made a little poster of her referral picture and posted it beside my desk. I had never taken it down. I looked over at it, and guess what verses I had printed there? The top verse, Acts 17:26, was the verse that God pointed us to with Emily and is on the side of our blog, and right there underneath was Isaiah 43:5. The words, "Do not be afraid..." literally popped off of the page at me.
What I had forgotten was that the rest of the verse said this," Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west."
God is so good!! And He loves us and hears our pleas and prayers. Yes, even knowing that our next several months may feel unbearable at times, I know He will not let us fail. We have LOTS to be thankful for. We are so blessed!!
Beautiful, Janice. We will be praying you through. :)
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